This is probably the last picture of our family, taken about a month ago. We were picking up some dinner at Taco Mesa before the kids had some school-related activities. John snapped this pic and posted it to Twitter, while making some comment about how “nothing really happened unless it was photographed and tweeted.”
At this point I’d already sent John the first volley in the email conversations that would be the catalyst for his decision to leave. I was awaiting his reply while life carried on rather normally on the surface of things.
Such photos say so much. And so very little.
Being averse both to using Twitter and being photographed, by that logic, I guess *I* don’t really happen. And yet, in so many contemporary contexts, I feel I an irrelevant, so I guess that makes sense.
My parents have been divorced for ten years. I still have a hard time looking at family photos. Since right after the divorce I have found it hard to believe that their marriage ever really happened- it’s taken on kind of a dreamlike, ethereal quality in my memory. Seeing those photos is so confusing, like there’s something authentic missing from them. It’s my family, but it’s not nuclear.
When the kids and I have looked at old photos from before the divorce, as hard as it may have felt for me or how painful it felt inside, I have always made sure to acknowledge to the kids the validity and efficacy of the event we were looking at. Simple comments, such as, “yes, that was a great camping trip indeed!” and invariably good memories of the event would come up and we’d talk about them. Acknowledging those times and valuing what they were has been important, and it has validated what we had, even though it is not that way anymore.
Jana, I realize you are still in what I call the, “epicentre” of the event, but in time, with continued healing for both you and your kids, the rich digital history of your lives can and will be important and valued.
Hang in there. I promise, it gets better.
Jana, I have been reading PilgrimSteps off and on for a couple of years (found you through Dooce). I have always enjoyed your writing and insight. I am sending loving and warm thoughts your way. xoxoxo