{"id":1777,"date":"2009-04-27T16:17:00","date_gmt":"2009-04-27T16:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/janaremy.com\/?p=1777"},"modified":"2009-04-27T16:17:00","modified_gmt":"2009-04-27T16:17:00","slug":"working-with-fear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.janaremy.com\/pilgrimsteps\/2009\/04\/27\/working-with-fear\/","title":{"rendered":"working with fear"},"content":{"rendered":"<style type=\"text\/css\">.flickr-photo { border: solid 2px #000000; }.flickr-yourcomment { }.flickr-frame { text-align: left; padding: 3px; }.flickr-caption { font-size: 0.8em; margin-top: 0px; }<\/style>\n<div class=\"flickr-frame\">\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/mindonfire\/3471533999\/\" title=\"photo sharing\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/farm4.static.flickr.com\/3343\/3471533999_9501445b3a.jpg\" class=\"flickr-photo\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a><br \/>\t<span class=\"flickr-caption\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/mindonfire\/3471533999\/\">IMG_3821<\/a>, originally uploaded by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/people\/mindonfire\/\">mind on fire<\/a>.<\/span><\/div>\n<p class=\"flickr-yourcomment\">\tMuch of my &#8220;work&#8221; over the past few years has been about facing fear, to consider how fear holds me back from taking risks or trying new things.  When I start to do something scary and I feel that tightening in my chest I tend to ask myself &#8220;what&#8217;s the worst thing that can happen here?&#8221; By facing that question head-on, I can typically proceed with said scary activity.  Even though my tummy might continue to do somersaults, I can move forward anyways.<\/p>\n<p>Right now some of my fears surround my own health and safety&#8211;or that of my loved ones.  Living in SoCal with this swine flu frenzy so close by&#8230;but I know the likelihood of it harming anyone close to me is minimal.  And we are healthy and precautious.  I faced another fear head-on yesterday when we intentionally capsized our canoe so we could practice how to safely right it.  It was cold (65&#8211;brrrr!) and I was super-scared.  And because I&#8217;m the steersman, it was my job to tip the boat.  Damn, that was hard.  And I did without even knowing whether my &#8216;beach leg&#8217; prosthesis would stay on and stay functional when I was fully submerged (even my prosthetist wasn&#8217;t so sure that it was a good idea).  But I did it anyways, and it went pretty smoothly, all told.<\/p>\n<p>Another major fear that&#8217;s looming in the distance is that this work I&#8217;m doing on my PhD will all be for naught when I attempt to find a job.  The market for historians always sucks, and only sucks worse now because of the recession.  I&#8217;m scared of being unemployable.  But while that fear can motivate me to work harder and excel more now, I realize that worry about the future accomplishes nothing except for making me miserable now.  There are far too many unknowns for me to concern myself with the &#8216;what ifs&#8217; that are years away.<\/p>\n<p>I wonder, sometimes, if religion helped to assuage my fears or if it exacerbated them?  There were stretches of time when a lot of sucky things happened (worst-fears-coming-true types of things), when my religious conviction helped get me through them&#8211;as I saw each of these experiences as God&#8217;s will and that He was tempering me to be a stronger person.  But I also lived with a constant feeling of surveillance and worry that I was meeting God&#8217;s expectations.  My mind was constantly preoccupied with keeping the commandments because I didn&#8217;t want to incur God&#8217;s wrath or compromise my ability for exaltation in the hereafter.  And in all, I think I am far less fearful now than before.  Perhaps because I don&#8217;t feel the need to constantly prove my devotion to a rather distant and arbitrary deity whose &#8216;punishments&#8217; seemed so very harsh (like striking me down with cancer because I was &#8216;on the wrong path&#8217; as a teen&#8230;sigh).  But there are other fears that loom for me now, most of them coming from the fragility of my life and the randomness of the universe.  Because I can&#8217;t hold my children close enough to protect them from harm, in all its guises (note: though I did add HUGE bars of industrial-strength reflective striping to my kids bags when they began walking to school, so I&#8217;m all for the ounce of prevention approach!).  Because the financial stability of our lives is only illusory.   Because I can&#8217;t guarantee that those I love will always return that emotion with similar fervor.  Because each time I take a step I can&#8217;t guarantee that I have a leg to support me,. Etc, etc.  <\/p>\n<p>And I also know that no matter how many hours and days and even years I spend worrying about these things&#8230;won&#8217;t make a whit of difference in their outcome.  But the worry and fear will rob me of the ability to enjoy this moment.  This one.  Right now.<\/p>\n<p><i>Pic above (by John) is of Elly and Bobette&#8211;a rare image of the two of them hanging out together.  Typically they like to keep their distance, given that they are the two dominant female felines &#8217;round here.  But on occasion we see them interact in a friendly way, or at least ignore each other for long enough to just hang out in proximity.  A friend mentioned that they look like yin and yang here.  I have to agree!<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>IMG_3821, originally uploaded by mind on fire. Much of my &#8220;work&#8221; over the past few years has been about facing fear, to consider how fear holds me back from taking risks or trying new things. When I start to do something scary and I feel that tightening in my chest I tend to ask myself [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5131,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1777","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>working with fear - PilgrimSteps<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.janaremy.com\/pilgrimsteps\/2009\/04\/27\/working-with-fear\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"working with fear - PilgrimSteps\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"IMG_3821, originally uploaded by mind on fire. Much of my &#8220;work&#8221; over the past few years has been about facing fear, to consider how fear holds me back from taking risks or trying new things. When I start to do something scary and I feel that tightening in my chest I tend to ask myself [&hellip;]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.janaremy.com\/pilgrimsteps\/2009\/04\/27\/working-with-fear\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"PilgrimSteps\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-04-27T16:17:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"janaremy@gmail.com\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"janaremy@gmail.com\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"janaremy@gmail.com\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/48edf1696489416085bd652eed4f53c9\"},\"headline\":\"working with fear\",\"datePublished\":\"2009-04-27T16:17:00+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":751,\"commentCount\":4,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"\",\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/\",\"name\":\"working with fear - PilgrimSteps\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"\",\"datePublished\":\"2009-04-27T16:17:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/48edf1696489416085bd652eed4f53c9\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/2009\\\/04\\\/27\\\/working-with-fear\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"\",\"contentUrl\":\"\"},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/\",\"name\":\"PilgrimSteps\",\"description\":\"just one step at a time...\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/48edf1696489416085bd652eed4f53c9\",\"name\":\"janaremy@gmail.com\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/35f18ee12c735a8a3991a37577421947880e6460a50cea12cd788c1a5707c3b7?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/35f18ee12c735a8a3991a37577421947880e6460a50cea12cd788c1a5707c3b7?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/35f18ee12c735a8a3991a37577421947880e6460a50cea12cd788c1a5707c3b7?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"janaremy@gmail.com\"},\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.janaremy.com\\\/pilgrimsteps\\\/author\\\/janaremygmail-com\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"working with fear - PilgrimSteps","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.janaremy.com\/pilgrimsteps\/2009\/04\/27\/working-with-fear\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"working with fear - PilgrimSteps","og_description":"IMG_3821, originally uploaded by mind on fire. 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