{"id":6626,"date":"2012-08-17T12:30:36","date_gmt":"2012-08-17T19:30:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/janaremy.com\/?p=6626"},"modified":"2012-08-17T12:30:36","modified_gmt":"2012-08-17T19:30:36","slug":"making-a-fist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.janaremy.com\/pilgrimsteps\/2012\/08\/17\/making-a-fist\/","title":{"rendered":"making a fist"},"content":{"rendered":"

Perhaps one hard lesson of the last few years of my life has been to learn to express uncomfortable feelings–the coping mechanism of so many years of suppressing sadness is hard to undo.\u00a0 But what I’ve realized is that I can tell when there’s something I need to express…because my left hand will be balled into a tight fist. Generally I don’t even know that I’m doing it, but I will look down and see the knuckles white and fingers tight and know that something is awry.<\/p>\n

(It’s been interesting to peruse my photos from the last few years and to see how many of them include that tight fist in the frame.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Today, I am finding my hand in a fist because of that hug that I gave my college-bound son at the side of my car just before he walked away with two suitcases in hand.*\u00a0\u00a0 That moment recalled many similar hugs that I’ve given in the past.\u00a0 Hugs meant to hold on to someone who was leaving.\u00a0 To keep them close and safe, despite distance.\u00a0 To offer a memory for me to grasp on days when my hands are empty.<\/p>\n

Making a Fist<\/strong>
\n by Naomi Shihab Nye<\/strong><\/p>\n

For the first time, on the road north of Tampico,
\nI felt the life sliding out of me,
\na drum in the desert, harder and harder to hear.
\nI was seven, I lay in the car
\nwatching palm trees swirl a sickening pattern past the glass.
\nMy stomach was a melon split wide inside my skin.<\/p>\n

“How do you know if you are going to die?”
\nI begged my mother.
\nWe had been traveling for days.
\nWith strange confidence she answered,
\n“When you can no longer make a fist.”<\/p>\n

Years later I smile to think of that journey,
\nthe borders we must cross separately,
\nstamped with our unanswerable woes.
\nI who did not die, who am still living,
\nstill lying in the backseat behind all my questions,
\nclenching and opening one small hand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

*He’s not gone to college quite yet, but will be with his Dad for a few days until he leaves<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Perhaps one hard lesson of the last few years of my life has been to learn to express uncomfortable feelings–the coping mechanism of so many years of suppressing sadness is hard to undo.\u00a0 But what I’ve realized is that I can tell when there’s something I need to express…because my left hand will be balled […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6632,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,10,13],"tags":[54,274,282,55],"class_list":["post-6626","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-body","category-family","category-songspoetry","tag-college","tag-family","tag-poetry","tag-son"],"yoast_head":"\nmaking a fist - PilgrimSteps<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.janaremy.com\/pilgrimsteps\/2012\/08\/17\/making-a-fist\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"making a fist - 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