{"id":868,"date":"2007-04-01T19:32:00","date_gmt":"2007-04-01T19:32:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/janaremy.com\/?p=868"},"modified":"2007-04-01T19:32:00","modified_gmt":"2007-04-01T19:32:00","slug":"i-wont-be-broken-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.janaremy.com\/pilgrimsteps\/2007\/04\/01\/i-wont-be-broken-again\/","title":{"rendered":"I won’t be broken again…."},"content":{"rendered":"

This is one of those days I probably should stay away from my computer. When I feel so raw and tired of being open. And I’m. just. tired. Tired, I say.<\/p>\n

This song, especially the refrain that I’ve put in bold type, was going through my head at Meeting this morning:<\/p>\n

Going Under, by Evanescence<\/span>
Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you
50 thousand tears I’ve cried
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you
And you still won’t hear me
Don’t want your hand this time, I’ll save myself
Maybe I’ll wake up for once
Not tormented…Daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I’d reached the bottom<\/p>\n

I’m dying again…<\/p>\n

I’m going under
Drowning in you
I’m falling forever
I’ve got to break through
I’m going under<\/p>\n

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don’t know what’s real and what’s not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can’t trust myself anymore<\/p>\n

I’m dying again<\/p>\n

So go on and scream
Scream at me
I’m so far away
I won’t be broken again
I’ve got to breathe
I can’t keep going under<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The video for this song <\/a>is a bit creepy, but if you’re not familiar with the tune, you might enjoy watching it (then again, maybe not, as it is pretty dark like a Buffy episode). I like the parts where she’s singing underwater–as someone who often feels more “right” in the water than on land, it works for me. The water part starts at 1:57 for those who want to skip straight to it,<\/p>\n

The other song going through my head today has a video that’s definitely worth watching.<\/p>\n

Are there times in your life when you’re just not “ready to make nice” to please someone else?<\/span> What do you do? Sometimes I hide in the dark house with the drapes closed or go to my garden. Sometimes I scream. Or clean house. Or just roll into a ball and cry.<\/p>\n

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