Author Archives: janaremy@gmail.com

Mary Monday: venting & poetry

Yesterday I posted a crowdsourced parody of the “12 Days of Christmas” song entitled “The 12 Woes of the Quarter” to the History Compass blog. It addresses some specific grievances from those of us grad students who’re struggling through the UC financial crisis. You might want to take a look. 🙂

Last night I attended an event that showcased various forms of e-literature, including much e-poetry. I was particularly taken by the work of David Jhave Johnston, and encourage you to spend some time perusing the work on his site and watching the piece below…(yes, I know it’s all wonky in the sizing, but hopefully it’ll all work anyways).

And then, as I walked home all full of poetry (and mango sticky rice–yum!) late last night, I became enchanted by the shadows cast by my own legs as I passed under streetlights. I was wearing a shortish a-line skirt that seemed to complement the asymmetrical shapes of my left and right legs. As the legs stretched out in the shadows, they looked rather like doll-legs. It was so strange to see them and feel as though they were a piece of art that was not connected to me. With my cameraphone I snapped one blurry picture, to share when I was feeling in that moment…

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Mary Monday: This World


woodland walk, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

An excerpt from Mary Oliver’s poem “This World,”

I would like to write a poem about the world that has
nothing fancy.
Bu it seems impossible.
Whatever the subject, the morning sun
glimmers it.
The tulip feels the heat and flaps its petals open
and becomes a star.

what lies ahead…


woodland walk, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

This morning I had a flashback to when I paddled to Catalina earlier this year. Some friends said that they’d pick me up at the island airport and fly me home (yay, friends!). In order to make the connection to meet them at the airport that’s up on the highest point of the island, I caught the last shuttle of the day up there. As the driver dropped me off at the airport he looked at me like I was a bit crazy. Clouds were rolling in around us & he warned me that small planes might not be able to land. So there I was, exhausted from my 5 hour race and toting a bit of gear, my paddle, and a pair of crutches (in case my fake leg had come off & floated away in the ocean or something like that). If my friends couldn’t land, I’d be sleeping on a bench (assuming that they’d let me do that). But I just figured it would work out. And it did–a gap in the clouds opening up just long enough for Graham to land and for us to be on our way home. And how thrilling that was!

So this morning I had another moment where I had that same sort of feeling, where I had to surrender the outcome of the situation to the universe. And hoping that if worse came to worse, I could probably find some kindly soul to lend a hand.

I feel like that’s an important lesson for me to learn–that I can’t always control the variables of my life, nor should I always try to do so. I just need to make my best effort and then let life happen without fretting too much about the worst-case-scenario.

What lessons has your life taught you lately?

last night


Full Moon over the Back Bay, originally uploaded by mind on fire.

John captured this picture of the full moon over the Back Bay last night. I went out paddling by the light of this moon, which worked well until my rudder got stuck (the tide being so very low that I couldn’t navigate through a familiar route). I had to hop out of my boat and walk it back to deeper waters (brrr…it was a bit chilly to be soaked up to my waist!).

I feel so fortunate to have such beauty around me…and so many opportunities to enjoy it.

From Mary Oliver, “How Would You Live Then?”

…What if you saw
that the silver of water was brighter than the silver
of money? What if you finally saw
that the sunflowers, turning toward the sun all day
and every day–who knows how?, but they do it–were
more precious, more meaningful than gold?

a few of my favorite things…


tea rainbow, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

I keep a flickr photo set I call “pretty,” that’s filled with some of my pictures that I’ve chosen simply because they make me happy when I look at them. Most have vibrant colors or they commemorate a special moment. If I’m having a hard day I’ll click over to that file and browse for a few minutes. It rarely fails to cheer me.

Do you have any similar photo folders or things you do to cheer yourself?

Mary Monday: lessons, shells, and solitude


Cape Cod-tide on its way out, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

My visit to Cape Cod was two months ago, but I feel like I’m just now actually processing the lessons that I learned while I was there. I was so raw, still, from John’s excommunication. For a very long time I’d been feeling this urgency to have some time just for me, and I had those few days to sort out some of the concerns that weighed rather heavily. I needed the time to be on my own, to wander, and to face the sea wind.

It’s not often that we get a chance to be apart from the world for awhile, in such a beautiful place. Cape Cod will always be dear to me now, as the landscape that held me when I was aching, that taught me to feel strong in the midst of fear and change.

Today’s passage isn’t from Mary Oliver, but from another woman who knew the gifts from the sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Her insights gained during her time on the “island” are resonating with me today as I think back to my time on Cape Cod.

She writes:

“Moon shell, who named you? Some intuitive woman I like to think. I shall give you another name–Island shell. I cannot live forever on my island. But I can take you back to my desk in Connecticut [or in Irvine]. You will sit there and fasten your single eye upon me. You will make me think, with your smooth circles winding inward to the tiny core, of the island I lived on for a few weeks. You will say to me “solitude.” You will remind me that I must try to be alone for part of each year, even a week or a few days, and for part of each day, even for an hour or a few minutes in order to keep my core, my center, my island-quality. You will remind me that unless I keep the island-quality intact somewhere within me, I will have little to give my husband, my children, my friends, or the world at large. You will remind me that woman must be still as the axis of a wheel in the midst of her activities, that she must be the pioneer in achieving this stillness, not only for her own salvation, but for the salvation of family life, of society, perhaps even of our civilization.”

The need for solitude and stillness is not just essential for women and mothers, but for everyone so they can find center. Where do you go when you need to be alone for awhile?

orange


persimmon, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

Lately, I’ve been eating orange: persimmons, sweet potatoes, and pumpkin. Yum!

What colors are you enjoying today?

Mary Monday: what should I fear?


a simple cabin, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

I love small cozy spaces like this cabin in Temescal Canyon, where our family stayed last weekend. My fantasy would be to live in a small bungalow cottage near the beach someday. With one big room for entertaining and a small sleeping loft with a step ladder. And a front porch, of course!

This weekend I found myself immersed in something of the fantasy life that I dream of: staying in an oceanfront room, spending the long hours of the evening chatting with old & new friends over a multi-course meal, wandering up and down the wet sand in the dark as I mulled over the concerns of the world, falling asleep to the insistent rhythm of the waves. And not to mention a victorious morning paddle out on the open ocean in a tandem outrigger canoe (it was a race, our first in a 2-man boat!).

And of course, I have a wee morsel of Mary Oliver poetry for you today, this is an excerpt from “Little Summer Poem Touching the Subject of Faith.” These lines reminded me of the fear I had to face down on Saturday morning as my paddling partner and I realized that we’d have to do a surf entry for the boat in some rather rough waves. We came ever-so-close to not going through with it…

And therefore, let the immeasurable come.
Let the unknowable touch the buckle of my spine,
Let the wind turn in the trees,
and the mystery hidden in dirt

swing through the air.
How could I look at anything in this world
and tremble, and grip my hands over my heart?
What should I fear?

One morning
in the leafy green ocean
the honeycomb of the corn’s beautiful body
is sure to be there.