Another picture of my awesome teammates, taken at our Corporate Challenge fundraiser on Sunday.
This was snapped just after I steered a boat that “huli’d” (or tipped over) in the Bay. Bet ya can’t tell that I’m soaking wet! And I do have to say that it felt good to get cooled off in the water. 🙂
Also this is one of the few pics of our novice crew that includes our coach, Dora, who’s standing in the center wearing a lei of blue orchids.
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses”
I loved this article about people who constantly complain while traveling. It reminded me of a recent train trip where we ended up being stranded on the tracks for an hour without power (read: no cafe service or A/C) while our crew helped another train that was having technical difficulties. In the end we ‘donated’ one of our engines to the other train, which then resulted in a further 30 min delay at Union Station while a replacement engine was coupled to our train.
Most of the passengers spent the delay time complaining loudly into their cellphones and calling Amtrak to demand a refund for their ticket price. I wasn’t terribly pleased to be delayed, but I found it far less unpleasant than say, being gridlocked in LA traffic during the summer heat. I had plenty of reading material on hand and spent some time peeking over the seat at an adorable baby and her mother. Of course I’ve had my fair share of travel frustrations over the years. When the weariness hits, it’s so difficult to continue to be nice. I get that.
But I have to say, that travel continues to amaze me. That I can fly, train, sail, or drive to so many amazing regions of the world. That I get to try new-to-me foods. That I get to people watch. That I get to smell and listen to and immerse myself in new places. It’s really one of my very favorite pastimes. And I think (though feel free to correct me)…you’ll hardly ever hear me complaining.
I keep trying to think of a way to express how I feel right now, and no matter what I say it just sounds a bit over-the-top sentimental…
This time last year I was lying in a hospital bed, unable to even stand on my left leg. I was getting megadoses of any antibiotic that I could tolerate. My arms were riddled with IV holes & were raw and swollen from the endless effort to find good veins. I was feverish & exhausted. Vicodin was my constant companion. My friends were caring for my children as I was in the midst of a battle between several medical teams. I knew surgery was looming, the only question was exactly where and when. John was absolutely spent from the emotional and physical burdens placed on his shoulders.
And then this year….while John and the kiddos were at ComiCon, I raced in the State Champs Sprints with my outrigger canoe team and graduated from a ‘novice’ paddler to a full-fledged member of the team. I thought nothing of strolling all around Old Town Santa Barbara with friends, my left leg now strong and sure, only a deep pink seam and an indentation along the muscle on the inside of my calf as evidence of last year’s trauma.
Perhaps ironically, I am sick right now–fighting a nasty cough that’s left over from a bout with the flu last week. But it seems hardly anything to me in the larger scheme of things…
Life has such a fascinating and sometimes awful way of keeping me on my toes (literally and figuratively!). As I went swimming with my family this morning and dove down deep into the blue water, moving strongly & surely with each stroke, I couldn’t help but be grateful for experiencing the contrast between health and sickness. Knowing both makes me appreciate just how precious and beautiful every moment is–getting me through the dark days and helping me to recognize the light for just how very precious it is.
A favorite quotation of mine is “Quocunque Jeceris Stabit”* (you’ll occasionally see this phrase rotate through the various taglines that appear under my blogtitle). It’s the motto of the Isle of Man, the small UK nation of my maternal ancestors. Translated from the Manx it means “Whichever Way You Throw Me, I Shall Stand.” I think of that phrase often on my life’s journey. I’ve been thrown and pummeled. I’ve lost some pretty significant chunks of my self along the way. But I also like knowing that–even if takes awhile–I will eventually overcome and emerge even stronger than before.
And thank you, friends, for all of your support and encouragement along this journey. There have been moments when I was carried by the love & goodwill from each of you. You are wonderful. 🙂
*UPDATE: As several of my language-savvy readers have pointed out, the phrase is Latin rather than Manx (I’m sure even my Latin-speaking son could’ve told me this!!). Here’s some background on the phrase from wikipedia:
For centuries, the island’s symbol has been its ancient triskelion, a device similar to Sicily’s Trinacria: three bent legs, each with a spur, joined at the thigh…
The three legs refer to the island’s motto (adopted late in the symbol’s history): Quocunque Jeceris Stabit, traditionally translated from Latin as ‘Whithersoever you throw it, it will stand’, or ‘Whichever way you throw it, it will stand’.
The origin of the ‘Three Legs of Man’ (as they are usually called) is explained in the Manx legend that Manannan repelled an invasion by transforming into the three legs and rolling down the hill and defeating the invaders.
Being a scholar, an “academic,” allows me to meld my daily life into whatever I study. Even the most mundane of experiences can augment the way that I’m approaching a question or a problem that I’m seeing in my historical work. I see this as an asset, as an important skill that I bring to the table. However, it can also be a bit wearying. I feel the weight of the unfinished dissertation pulling me constantly. It’s always there in the back of my mind, even in my most carefree of moments.
I tend to be very good at “turning off” the dissertation mind on weekends–meaning I can put my work behind me and just enjoy the family or the garden or some solitude. But on weekdays I’m not so good at it. There’s just always more I should be doing, or at least I feel that weighing into my decision-making.
One reason I love being out on the water with my outrigger team is that when I’m handling the boat, I don’t have the mental space for the dissertation. It’s just ‘gone’ for those few hours. There’s a lightness and freedom in that. But as soon as I’m off the ocean, it’s there again.
I’m not complaining. I love my life, I love being engaged in my work. I love graduate school–fiercely, even. But sometimes I wonder how the constant pull & tug of stress makes it difficult for me to enjoy the now and is a barrier to saying YES to today and this moment.
For those of you who’ve taken a similar path, can you offer any advice?
Went to the garden this morning, as is my usual routine, to greet the day. I said hello to the rosebushes, encouraged the fledgling cucumber plant, and gathered a large bunch of hibiscus blossoms for my table.
The bees were out in full force and a lizard came out of hiding briefly. A bird preened itself in the rosemary bush and a junebug startled me just a bit as it clacked and hummed through the canes of the climbing rose. I nibbled on two ripe strawberries (so sweet!) and picked some fennel and chewed the stem (such flavor!).
On my way to and from the garden I passed dozens of homes. Small apartment homes, full of life in the early morning. I heard the music, the vacuuming, the kitchen noises. I don’t know why, but living this way–so close to so many people–it enlivens me. I like the bustling community. I like smelling several different meals cooking, I feel comfort in hearing the cries of children as well as the hum of the lawnmower.
While in my garden I picked a zucchini and some green onions and some marjoram. I’ll eat them for lunch in an omelet.
GameBoy sits in the “engine room” of a coed team boat in this pic, providing the strength for the team. His favorite seat is #1, where he sets the pace for the boat–his training as a musician certainly helps him with this!
Yesterday morning I spent about an hour repairing my old rocking chair–the seat had come loose, and it was in serious danger of completely falling apart. After tightening & replacing some screws, it was working quite well, so I called GameBoy in, took him on to my lap, and reminded him of the hours we used to spend rocking together–his favorite pastime in his toddler years. I even sang a few bars of one of the lullabyes that I composed just for him. He indulged his crazy Mom & curled up in my lap despite the fact that he’s just about as tall as I am these days. Back when he was a babe I could hardly imagine the day that he would be so grown up!
I couldn’t be more proud of him & his sister. I am awed by their strength and beauty.
The kids had their first-ever outrigger canoeing races on Saturday. What a fabulous experience for both of them!! Here you can see a picture of Catgirl as the steersman of the girls’ team. She commands that canoe like a pro!
Given that we just saw the new movie, it seemed high time to remind you of some of the ways the kiddos (& John) have celebrated their Harry Potter-love over the years…
Just had to share this picture of me with some of my team members after a recent outrigger race. They are such awesome strong women!
In two weeks we’ll be ‘graduating’ and moving up to being regular team members rather than 1st-year novices. This is so exciting!
I feel like I need to plan something special towards the end of this month, to celebrate the fact that this is not last year, that John is not rushing home to see me admitted into the hospital, that I don’t have any surgery looming, and that I am HEALTHY.
Do ya’ll have any suggestions on a special way to celebrate?
(Oh, and let me just add that last night I steered our canoe on the most amazing swells so far–each one brought our boat up high and the nose crashed down with a resounding splash. We went out a few miles into the open ocean with just the roar of the waves and the quiet calling of the paddlers. I think the gals in the front of the boat were a bit spooked by the big swells–because they were staring down into the abyss as the canoe plunged downwards. Yet from my vantage point in the back it was like riding the most amazing and unpredictable roller-coaster, but I never had a moment of fear. I just kept looking out at that big wide ocean and I felt as if it was one of the most ‘real’ experiences of my life. I continue to marvel at just how wonderful and varied the ocean is, how amazing it is to be one with it and with the sky and with the wind. That sensation is more than I could ever have dreamed of a year ago!
PS: If you want to try your hand at paddling, our team is sponsoring event for just that and I’d love to have you join us! I’ll even steer your boat if you sign up!)
