Author Archives: janaremy@gmail.com

simply overwhelmed

I just wanted to add one note even though I already blogged today…

One of the gifts of this crazy internet world has been the many beautiful people that I would never have known otherwise. I don’t dare make any kind of list recounting the various interactions (it would take days and I’m sure I would forgot so many!). But for right now I’m just feeling awed by the sweetness of some recent encounters.

As I sit here I am wearing a necklace gifted to me by G, who spent much of the last weekend with us. As I make arrangements for our winter trip, I am simply overwhelmed by offers of places to stay as we travel, those who have offered to loan winter clothing, and those who I will finally get to meet in-person.

Thank you just doesn’t stretch far enough to cover all of this goodness. 🙂

which has more clarity…

Warning: if you are one of the people who gets their knickers in a knot when I compare Mormonism to Quakerism, just skip this post, ok?

Last night I attended a Finance Committee Meeting for our Quaker congregation. There were many agenda items and among them was a discussion of the wording for a statement about the appropriate usage of funds by various committees within the meeting. For about 10 minutes we debated whether two particular sentences were worded with clarity. The crux of the discussion came down to whether using a semi-colon or starting a new sentence would make a particular section of the statement more clear.

In this room were 4 women and 2 men. At least 4 of those people had advanced degrees. Four of us were “mature” and two of us were young-ish. Everyone had the chance to express an opinion. Each expression was considered equally and the decision was made to use the period rather than a semi-colon. My feeling was that the statement was fine either way and was clear either way. I didn’t contribute much to the discussion.

As we moved on to the other agenda items, a large concern was how to make the Meeting’s financial situation more clear to all those who attend weekly meetings–especially so everyone could know how important each contribution was to the well-being of our group. It was decided to put some of the information in the monthly newsletter and to create a graphical representation of the Meeting’s various financial allocations to have in the area outside the Worship room, where we meet for refreshments each week following Silent Meeting.

IF you are familiar with the LDS church then you will know that there is no transparency about the usage of donated funds. And, to be a member in good standing you are required to donate ten percent of your income to the church. Yes, if you have a particular leadership calling you might know how local funds are allocated. But the church does not release any information about the usage of the funds sent to SLC nor does it disclose the value of any of its vast holdings and investments. And, as I have said before, there is great gender disparity about who gets to make any kind of financial decisions in LDS wards. Local leaders are not allowed to set their own policies about financial allocations–meaning that they can’t decide how much of their funds go to Salt Lake and how much of it remains locally-held. This all comes straight from church HQ.

So sure, it can be a bit tedious to sit in a meeting and debate the merits of specific punctuation–especially when it seems such a very small detail. But I found it quite charming, simply because of the very fact that such an item could be on an agenda and could be up for discussion by all of us, even myself.

avoidance

I realized something about myself recently. When I’m hurt by someone or something I tend to go into avoidance mode. As an example, one time someone humiliated me while we were playing charades. I haven’t been able to do a charade since then (although I will support others who want to play) and for many years I lost interest in party games of any kind. The same thing goes for an incident with some photos that someone took that really hurt my feelings. It took about five years for me to pick up a camera after that and I still have some resistance to taking pictures of people for that same reason.

My inability to participate in Mormon services is certainly part of wanting to avoid situations that cause hurt. I feel a bit like a lab rat running in a maze who once I’ve been shocked a few times in a particular lane, learns not to return there again.

I don’t think this is an entirely healthy safety mechanism. I think I need to learn better how to face the things that have caused hurt. I can’t always just run the other way.

simple gifts


color, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

This morning I got up early to work on a handmade gift for a family member. It was fun to think about that person and to put much intention and love into the process. I can only hope that they will enjoy the final product.

The pic above shows some of the felted wool balls that we made and gave as gifts to our nieces, nephews and beloved furpeople last Christmas. I loved that I was able to purchase the wool directly from the farm where the sheep were raised and where it had been hand-dyed. Making the balls was also great fun–choosing colors, rolling the soapy wet masses over and over in our hands until they created tight spheres.

What are some of the best handmade gifts that you’ve given and received?

‘Tis the gift to be simple,
’tis the gift to be free,
’tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan’t be ashamed.
To turn, turn will be our delight,
‘Til by turning, turning we come round right

‘Tis the gift to be loved and that love to return,
‘Tis the gift to be taught and a richer gift to learn,
And when we expect of others what we try to live each day,
Then we’ll all live together and we’ll all learn to say,

‘Tis the gift to have friends and a true friend to be,
‘Tis the gift to think of others not to only think of “me”,
And when we hear what others really think and really feel,
Then we’ll all live together with a love that is real.

a simple gift for you


bean blossoms, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

It’s Friday and you’ve probably got a hectic weekend ahead (I know I have a lot on my calendar). So let me give you a simple little gift to make you feel a bit more relaxed tonite…

1) Go to the kitchen
2) Pull some vegetable oil (I think olive is best) and some salt (coarse ground is best, but any will do) out of the cupboard.
3) Standing over the sink, drip about 2 teaspoons of oil into one palm.
4) Then shake about a tablespoon full of salt into your palm
5) Rub your hands together, rubbing the oil/salt in all over your palms, the backs of your hands, and each finger. Use circles to rub it into the backs of your hands and your wrists. Give each finger a gentle stretch as you rub the mixture into each joint. Keep this up for a few minutes.
6) Then, wash your hands with a gentle soap–preferably one with a light natural fragrance.

Now…..don’t your hands feel smooth and relaxed? 🙂

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.
~Etty Hillesum

🙂

my historian life


Goth Dilly., originally uploaded by mind on fire.

This is me, as I look most of the time (well, maybe not in these particular clothes because I do attempt to shower and change my clothes on most days). Here I’m sitting on the bed typing away on my beloved “junebug” computer.

This is the business of history-making: the long hours spent at keyboard and/or reading. These days I read a minimum of one book per day and I try to write at least two pages daily on my dissertation. I love my work and my life. I’m so lucky to be well-funded and able to pursue this fascinating line of research (and my diphtheria stories make such great party talk!).

For those of you who are still reading(!), you might enjoy my recent ruminations today on my history blog…where I discuss the process of “making collaborative butter sculptures” (do you think I’ve had just wee bit too much work and no play lately???).

🙂

(photo by John)

the rapture


orange flower, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life….I think that what we’re really seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our innermost being and reality, so that we can actually feel the rapture of being alive.”

~Joseph Campbell

that v-word


blue flower, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

The last few months have been really kick-ass cool and productive for me. I’ve made lots of progress on my dissertation research, I’ve spent some super high-quality time with friends, I’ve approached many adventures with a new-found sense of confidence. And most of all, I have been healthy!

So it’s rather odd to me that when I returned home this afternoon I felt a bit off…as if there is a small fissure in the bright aura that surrounds me. As I sat here trying to pinpoint that feeling, I think it’s the return of vulnerability. Since I’ve been healing from my surgery and getting stronger I’ve thought I could take on the world (and I have, in so many ways). But now I’m coming down a bit off that “high” and as real life resumes, it’s as if I am starting to feel things more deeply again. By nature I am a contemplative person, and I feel the sorrows of the world almost too potently sometimes. And in this moment, as vulnerability settles in on my shoulder, I’m realizing that for months I’ve been in the mode of doing “what has to be done” and maybe now I’m ready for a some gentleness. To allow myself to cry and to need. And to realize that I don’t always have to be so strong.

your daily life


close up, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

“Your daily life is your temple and your religion. When you enter into it take with you your all.”

~Kahlil Gibran

Some deep thoughts for you today. Along with this photo of a flower cluster from a neighbor’s garden.