Category Archives: deep thoughts

breathe vs. achieve

like a sunset

What can we do but keep on breathing in and out,
modest and willing, and in our places? ~Mary Oliver


Last night in our Study Group, a friend gave an awesome lesson about world religions and what we can glean from various faith traditions to augment our own spiritual paths. She read a passage about the difference between ‘western’ traditions versus ‘eastern’ traditions, specifically noting that western traditions emphasize progression whereas the eastern foster satisfaction with the here and now–“being” in the moment.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot today. I often work so hard to achieve things, yet I crave just sitting in solitude or the time to lose myself in a flower or to lie across my bed with a purring cat beside me. I have so many lofty goals–books to write, places to travel, classes to teach, and so on. But I feel a tension between the ambition it will take to accomplish these goals…and the desire to sit in solitude.

I think for now I am choosing the latter. And tomorrow I will take up the pursuit again. But today, I may just breathe awhile.

The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life’s plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

a(nother) project

Over the past few weeks I’ve been playing with wordpress and redesigning the ExponentBlog site. It went live last night, which is a relief. I’m looking forward to working on some other projects now!

Over and over again during this project I had moments where I realized that I was stretching my knowledge. Thinking to myself, “Wow, never done that before” or “Wow, I didn’t think I could do that.” Though the site isn’t the splashiest, flashiest thing, it represents many successes for me and that’s exciting, indeed.

And you can just guess (hint, hint) that now that I’m done with The Exponent, I’ll be implementing some of my new tricks here at pilgrimsteps.com pretty soon! 🙂

the facts of life…

These these life & death portraits and the accompanying stories express in so many ways what I feel every day. That life is too short to put off happiness for some future date:

Gerda couldn’t believe that cancer was cheating her of her hard-earned retirement. “My whole life was nothing but work, work, work,” she told me. She had worked on the assembly line in a soap factory, and had brought up her children single-handedly. “Does it really have to happen now? Can’t death wait?” she sobbed.

And the subtext of this photo essay? Cancer fucking sucks.

Holy H-E-double hockey sticks

The DesNews linking to lil ol’ me. Thanks Emily Jensen–I’m so flattered to be included in your bloggernacle lineup.

So welcome to all you readers of the Mormon Times and the Lord’s Anointed Newspaper. Feel free to sit yourself right down in a cozy chair, kick your shoes off, prop your feet up on the edge of the “Postum table,” and stay awhile.

PS: If you liked “Brilliance,” you might want to take a peek at some more of my blogpics or my flower/garden photos….

morning thoughts…

8:33
Look at clock, acknowledge that it’s about time to get out of bed. Roll over and curl into the warm hollow left by John’s body and note how super-cozy his pillow is in the morning.
9:10
John walks in with latte, heaping high with foam. Remind self what a good thing it is to have coffee-colored sheets when sipping in a supine position.
9:30
John joins me in bed at my request. Noted: the charming way a bead of sweat pools in the divot at the base of his throat between his clavicle bones. What is this oh-so-sweet spot called?

each and every wave


hanging camellia, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

Yesterday I snuck away from my work in the archives at the Huntington to spend some time in the gardens. But it was crowded and I felt frustrated that I didn’t feel peace, only annoyance at all of the people and their chatter and their strollers and just them. Everywhere.

Then I found a little path leading through the camellia grove to the Children’s Garden (everyone else, it seemed, was headed for the newly-opened Chinese Garden). I wandered among the trees, marveling at the variety of colors and sizes of the flowers. Snapping a few pictures, the tension in my shoulders eased. I relished the solitude for about 20 minutes before I headed back to the reading room.

On days like these I realize that I have a very blissful life. I spend my time with family and friends, with historical research and writing, and with nature. I feel so lucky. I try not to take any of it for granted. In many ways, this blog is my way of affirming the good that the universe has brought to my life, to show that every bit of it is appreciated.

A few years ago I remember thinking that people who have homes overlooking the ocean, they probably get so used to it that they don’t realize how lucky they are. I’d imagined that many days they even forget to take note of the view and of the smells and sensations of the sea.

Me, I have this life of so much goodness. So every day I take notice, give thanks, and recognize how very fortunate I am–trying never to take these good things for granted. Were I to live by the sea, I would celebrate each and every wave, mindful of the privilege of coastal living. As it is, I find myself counting each and every blessing in my current life. From the joy of waking with EllyCat nestled between John & I, to the awesomeness of my responsible children who did all the laundry this morning, to enjoying the smells of fresh rain on earth yesterday evening, to the wind blowing outside right now, to the luxury of having time to contemplate all of these things as I share them with you.

“It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth–and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up–that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one that we had.”
~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross