Category Archives: deep thoughts

Insulting

This might just be a record for me: I’ve been insulted and reviled on four different blogs in the last two days and on the way home from class tonight a car-full of young men (undergrads, perhaps–maybe I gave them bad grades in years past??) came up behind me on my bike and yelled in my ear (just about fell off my bikeseat when they did this) and then proceeded to follow me through the next intersection making rude remarks.

Yah whatever.

Somehow it doesn’t really bug me. You know, the “sticks and stones” thing, I suppose. Or maybe it’s a certain devil-may-care attitude that comes from having a physical disability. I’ve been stared at, gestured towards, mimicked, teased, accosted, etc. for so many years that I’m just used to it now.

saint or sinner?

[Full disclosure: I kifed this book from John’s pile this morning. And I am ‘stealing’ one of its ideas for this post.]

Are you good? Are you bad? A host of consequences hangs on the answer. Yet, a brief experiment can easily convince you that the question, so grave in appearance, has little foundation.

Consider how you spent yesterday. Retrace the main events, how one led to the next, and, as far as possible, reconstruct the thoughts that went with them hour after hour.

From this reconstruction, consider your attitude. Not objectively. In a partial, exagerated, and tendentious way. Note first the extreme magnanimity of your smallest actions. Be a benevolent judge of your innermost thoughts. Look how devoted you have been, how attentive, altruistic, sympathetic, humane, supportive, charitable, etc

And then do exactly the reverse. Force yourself to discern, in your acts and thoughts during that day, the obvious signs of perversity, your ability to harm, your taste for destruction, your fundamental wickedness…

And then, if you have carried this out completely enough, try believing in moral judgements and the searchings of conscience. What have you learned?

A bit of my experience (note: somewhat sanitized to avoid speaking of particular interactions w/ppl who might be reading my blog):
The Saint
In worship yesterday I felt lightness, love, goodness. A closeness with the spirit. I reached out to newcomers after Meeting. I ate lunch with friends and enjoyed their thoughts and their humor. I ate a divinely-tasty egg salad sandwich. I spent time interacting with my kids and John in the afternoon. I did the family’s laundry rather than spending time on my own tasks. Assembled a favorite salad to share with friends at dinnertime. Was gracious to Friends for their hospitality, etc, etc.
The Sinner
Slept in and was grumpy in the morning, as usual. Was testy with John and the kids because I was ready for Meeting before they were. Got to church late, despite having arranged to meet newcomers there beforehand. Resented some disruptions during worship. Had difficulty quieting my mind. Thought mostly of myself and all I want to/need to do. After meeting, left fellowship early to spend time with my friends. Ate egg salad sandwich for lunch w/no remorse about consuming animal protein. After dinner, poked fun of 50s movie and traditional Quakers. Tried to be funnier to impress friends. Thought more about how I was feeling than about others. Didn’t reach out to those I didn’t know well.

Upshot:
More than ever I agree with C.S. Lewis that:

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations–these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit–immortal horrors or everlasting splendours.

It seems to me that we are, all of us, both gods and devils simultaneously. We are selfish and selfless in the same moment. And as such, we should be gentle with judging ourselves, and also with judging others.

veggie-tarian

I felt that a reply to Elise’s recent comment warranted a whole post. She asked:

Would you be willing to share a little more about your own vegetarian lifestyle? Are you 100% strict on not eating any animal products, or do you eat a little bit of meat here and there?

My reply:
I’m not a strict vegetarian right now. I occasionally eat meat or meat-based products (e.g. chicken broth) on conditions of necessity or hospitality. For example, if a friend cooks me dinner and doesn’t know of my vegetarianism, then I will often taste some of their meat-based food (though I rarely eat much of meaty stuff and I generally refuse beef altogether).

Having said that, I must confess that I do occasionally eat seafood. I cook salmon about twice/month (wild caught Alaskan or Canadian) because it is a family favorite. I also indulge in sushi a few times per year.

I try, with some success thanks to Trader Joes, to source our dairy products from organic farms. I feel that organic dairy tastes better and is a better choice than traditional dairy practices. I wish I had the time and energy to give up animal products altogether. I did for a few months and my body felt wonderful. But it was an awful lot of work and I think my kids would be unhappy if I encouraged them to eat that way all the time.

Elise and others, I heartily recommend Francis Lappe’s Diet for a Small Planet if you want to learn more about the environmental costs of meat production. This book is a bit old, but still a good read on the topic and you can generally find used copies of it for just a few dollars.

To the rats

Dear rats:
I know it’s been very cold lately–downright frigid, even. And I’m sorry that it’s difficult to find a warm place to sleep outside, especially since the recent construction has eliminated all the steamy mulch piles along California Ave. But good news is ahead–the days are getting warmer so you won’t be as desperate for a cozy space in the near future.

So small-talk aside, let me just say that it’s not in your best interests to continue seeking shelter and warmth under my car hood. And if you do so, your days may well be numbered (yes, that IS A THREAT). Because today, when I was writing that $700 check to the car dealer for the repairs made to my engine for rat damage, let me tell you that I was feeling rather ungenerous at that moment. Especially when I realized that that much dough could’ve bought you and your posse a pretty nice trip to some warm Caribbean island, where you could be sipping pina coladas and working on your tan lines, watching the rat babes in their trendy brazilian-cut bikinis and whistling at a lot of nice tail. But instead you were frolicking around under my hood, sucking oil out of frayed hoses, sharpening your incisors on electrical cords of various sizes–including those that allow the engine to revv up and get all warm and cozy to begin with. And can I just tell you that imbibing petroleum products is NOT GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH! You could get cancer that way, you know.

And I’ll have you know that this wasn’t just any car that you were tampering with, but is a vintage model station wagon, the likes of which are impossible to find on resale lots. So DO NOT MESS WITH THE CAR or you might be finding yourself with a new set of cement shoes. Capice?
Sincerely,
pilgrimgirl

on sex and calendars and blackberries


Okay, a question for all of those tech-savvy readers out there:

So if one shares a google calendar with one’s spouse, and the calendar is starting to fill up quickly (meaning, very few nights at home together in the next few weeks), is it appropriate to ‘calendar’ sex? And if so, does one make it a one-time appointment or a repeating event?


[So I was going to include an image of a blackberry (aka handheld organizer thingy) with this post, but the only image that appealed to me, was this one…]

honesty

Sure there are moments when it’s best not to be too honest–when doing so would offer undue criticism that would hurt another person.

Yet it seems that in telling one’s own experiences honesty is an admirable thing. Over the past few years, as I’ve written much about my experiences as an amputee, as a cancer survivor, and as a Mormon woman, I’ve tried to be unflinchingly candid and honest. I want to tell my stories truthfully and sincerely. Because truth staves off fear.

However, I was talking with some friends recently who challenged my need for honesty. They asked me why I had informed my LDS leaders that I was no longer planning to attend church. Why hadn’t I just drifted into inactivity or gone my own way without need to ‘inform’ people of my choices? It’s a good question, one that I’ve been muddling over.

And, honestly, I have had many moments over the past few weeks when I should have just lied a little to make it easier. Told a few falsehoods to smooth over the difficulties, or just kept my mouth shut and pretended that everything was okay.

So it’s when I have a night like last night, that I wish I’d never been honest. That I wish I was a liar. That I wish I’d just said nothing and pretended that I was complicit.

And I wonder where my honesty has gotten me???

without a foot to stand on

Can I just say that I really dislike quotes like this one:
“I complained because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.”

Ahem, but what is that saying about men (and women) with no feet??? That they exist as morality lessons for all those shoeless joes out there? Or as objects of pity for all those folks whose closets are so full of shoes that they don’t have enough space to keep them in???