Category Archives: photo

Done!


Sunset Reverie, originally uploaded by mind on fire.

[Note: this picture has nothing at all to do with this post–I just wanted to share it with you because it shows both CatGirl’s loveliness and John’s skill with his camera. It just sort of takes my breath away to see such beauty….]

Allright, so today I did something truly scary….I went to the doctor. I had a follow-up for my leg (healing well, thank you) and I simultaneously scheduled my “well-woman” checkup. It’s probably been at least 5 years since I’ve been in those stirrups. So my big New Year’s resolution for 2008 was to get that done. Well, it’s not even the end of May yet and I accomplished it. Whew.

I don’t know why it’s such a hurdle for me. I really had nothing that I was particularly worried about. It’s just that whole doctor thing….(bleh)

Tomorrow is the 24th anniversary of the day I was diagnosed with bone cancer, which usually ends up being a kind of a downer day for me. Not this year. I think I’ll celebrate instead. It’s such a thrill to still be kickin’ it every day with you groovy people.

🙂

jacaranda


Today, coming home from Meeting, we drove through several streets in Old Santa Ana like the one above–lined with Jacaranda trees. It was snowing neon purple blossoms. If I’d been feeling a bit better, I would have danced in the falling flowers.

pic by John

back on track


pop, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

Sorry for the downer post yesterday. Now back to our regular schedule of flowers, flowers, and more flowers.

Oh, and a bit of sex, too…
This week I’ve been desperately trying to beef up the enrollment of my summer school class so it doesn’t get canceled. I am thinking I’ll stoop to selling the “sex” angle of my history class on nineteenth century gender. It means the difference of a few thousand dollars to my income–nothing to sneeze at. But there’s HUGE irony to me that I’m tarting up my syllabus in hopes of drawing a bigger crowd. Sigh.

And a bit more sex for ya…Have you LDS folks taken a gander at this site yet?

on details and flowers


cosmo, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

An excerpt from ECS’ post today:

Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us that we should learn to breathe consciously to notice and appreciate the details of life in the present moment so that we can BE happy.

These teachings are summed up nicely in this excerpt from the book: “Flower Insights”

There is a story about a flower which is well known in the Zen circles. One day the Buddha held up a flower in front of an audience of 1,250 monks and nuns. He did not say anything for quite a long time. The audience was perfectly silent. Everyone seemed to be thinking hard, trying to see the meaning behind the Buddha’s gesture.

Then, suddenly, the Buddha smiled. He smiled because someone in the audience smiled at him and at the flower.

The name of that monk was Mahakashyapa. He was the only person who smiled, and the Buddha smiled back and said, “I have a treasure of insight, and I have transmitted it to Mahakashyapa.”

That story has been discussed by many generations of Zen students, and people continue to look for its meaning. To me, the meaning is quite simple. When someone holds up a flower and shows it to you, he wants you to see it. If you keep thinking, you miss the flower. The person who was not thinking, who was just himself, was able to encounter the flower in depth, and he smiled.

That is the problem of life. If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything. When a child presents himself to you with his smile, if you are not really there – thinking about the future or the past, or preoccupied with other problems – then the child is not really there for you. The technique of being alive is to go back to yourself in order for the child to appear like a marvelous reality. Then you can see him smile and you can embrace him in your arms.

Sometimes it seems ridiculous to me that I get so much delight out of posting pictures of flowers. It’s so easy, so cliche. But each time I post one I lose myself in that place, I go deeper down into each detail. I am calmer and more relaxed. At peace.

manifest


peach blossom, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.
~ Lao-tzu (604 BC – 531 BC), The Way of Lao-tzu

[I’ve posted this bit of poetry before, but it bears repeating]

The peach blossoms have been replaced by almond-sized green nubs, getting ever closer to peaches with each passing day. Yum!

🙂

by hand

lavender II

Starting during the last Christmas season, I’ve tried to have every gift I send be handmade. It’s not always possible for me to make the items myself, so when I’m pressed for time I look to Etsy for extra-special gifts. Because I’ve just loved everything I’ve ordered, I thought it would be fun to share some of my favorite sellers:

For jewelry I just love SaraArts (such pretty swingy earrings), DornickDesigns (where I found the groovy tree of life necklace that I’m so fond of), PolishedTwo (such gorgeous stones), the artsy pendants of MadisonCraft Studios, and the Parisian-style earrings of JenniferRydin Designs (oolala!). Although I’m not a ‘fancy’ person, I do love pretty things, and I get a lot of pleasure out of wearing and gifting jewelry these days.

For the items I crochet, I’ve ordered recycled yarn from Soulful Hues. She unravels old sweaters and then dyes the yarn in wonderfully bright and groovy colors. Gorgeous!

For paper goods I’ve purchased items from RedCaboose (who, unfortunately, has an empty shop right now, but she’s the one who made the darling tags I added to my holiday gifts) and from JumpingJackDesigns (you just take a look at those catnap notecards and tell me that you can resist!).

off center


unfolding, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

I don’t want to tell this story, really, but I will anyways.

On Wednesday afternoon I felt a strange burning on my left calf–in the area where my wound was from 10 days ago. Later that night after being on my feet for a few hours at some meetings, as I got undressed I realized that my lower leg was raw and swollen. I passed the night feverish and in increasing pain. By Thursday morning I realized that I needed to see a doctor, and soon.

It’s hard having just one leg, to have something go awry like this. Ambulation became nearly impossible, I couldn’t drive, I was getting increasingly scared about the hot red swelling spreading up my leg.

Long story short: I am on some antibiotics and I haven’t left the couch since returning home from the doctor. We are watching carefully for signs of further problems but so far all seems okay.

This incident has caused me to consider many things: the problems of antibiotic resistance, my vulnerability to infection, and my dependence on John & the kids. I find myself continuingly grateful for a spouse who keeps a job that he dislikes so I can have good health insurance.

But the overriding emotion for me, in all this, has been fear. I am scared of pain, of being bedridden, and of having my body be out of my control. Even as I write this there’s a big knot in my stomach. Because I remember another time when my leg was red and swollen and I started spending most of my days on the couch. Since then I don’t think there’s ever been a day that I have not felt afraid that it could happen again. To me. Or to one that I love.

happy hippie earth day to you


unfolding, originally uploaded by pilgrimgirl.

“Very early, I knew that the only object in life was to grow.”
~Margaret Fuller

If you went this morning to your favorite chi-chi Newport Beach nursery today to pick up a few plants for your garden and felt overwhelmed and grateful for the abundance (even as you smiled a bit inwardly at the perfectly coiffed ladies who didn’t look as though they dirtied their nails in their gardens very often), then went to your garden in the evening for planting, surprised that the scent of citrus blossoms was still in the air from your neighbor’s tree, then getting down on all fours to work the soil in the bed that will host the strawberries, then the peppers, then the eggplants, then planting your newest type of lavender and a shaggy bush of chamomile (it smells of afternoon tea already).

And if this is you, you were a bit overwhelmed by how much work still has yet to be done to get your garden all set for summer, but you realized that you don’t begrudge any of the time that it will take.

which part is mine?

small and purple
Today as I sat in silence, an old song was running through my mind. It’s a ballad by LDS songwriter Michael McLean and each verse portrays a stage of a women’s life and has her perplexed by her role in her various relationships–with friends, spouse, children and spiritual journey. The refrain asks “Which part is mine and which part is yours?”

I thought about this song as I pondered my various relationships. I wondered, for example, about my children’s growing autonomy. At what point do I intervene and help them to solve their problems and when do I let them learn their own lessons? How much do I hover? When it is better to let them strike out on their own? How can I affirm my love without stifling them or breaking their will? And are there moments when I am too aloof, too absorbed in my own projects?

I thought about it in terms of my relationship with John. I considered the significant investment I have in him and how difficult it is for me when, like this last week, he is out of town. And I wonder what the best balance is between absorbing myself in him and pursuing my own goals & desires? I considered those moments when my being self-focused weakens our relationship. Yet I also think that, in many ways, I can only be a good partner when I have a strong self to offer. Which part is mine and which part is his, indeed?

This line of thought also has resonance with my involvement in the larger community of Friends. For the past two years I’ve mostly been a recipient–indulging in the efforts of others’ planning, sharing, and ministry. This has been a necessary time to nourish my wounded soul. Accepting the care of others has allowed me space and time for healing. I wonder, though, if it isn’t my turn to serve? As I sat in Meeting today and acknowledged each person in the circle I realized that I have much to give. I am no longer the girl in corner who is constantly on the verge of tears, who has no voice to speak in Meeting. Perhaps ironically, this brings to mind some words from my patriarchal blessing, an admonishment to “move with confidence because there are many who look to you as an example and who will receive encouragement from you through your example.” I am starting to feel that it is “my part” to become more active in the Meeting community. Perhaps it is time to return some of what I have received.