For the past few weeks, even the past few months, I’ve felt quite insecure about my path in academia. Sure I love the classes and the stimulation of learning, but I’ve questioned whether I really have what it takes to be a great historian (this feeling struck me especially hard in a seminar on Monday where I just wasn’t on the same page as some of my colleagues).

But, in the past day or two I’ve had some affirmations that I’m on the right track [Note the train metaphor…]. Just thought I’d share them with you…

1) I may be headed to Paris next month for a conference with some leading lights in the History of Medicine field.
2) I was offered and have accepted the position of ‘Book Review Editor’ for a really cool academic journal.
3) I’ll be involved in putting together an encyclopedia of Disability History.

Anyways, thanks for listening and thank you for your continued support. 🙂

Last week of the quarter. Grading and writing. Too little time. Too much to do.

Took an hour off this afternoon and took the kids bike riding. Lovely.

Please send positive thoughts my way. I’m hoping to be a fair grader and a devoted grad student. Wanting to write an awe-some paper. Trying to make my research of the last six months shine.

Keeping in mind that this is what I’ve wanted so badly for oh-so-long…

This morning I had 7 undergrads in my office, sitting at my feet (yes, literally sitting at my feet since there aren’t enough chairs to go around). I sat at my desk chair (which is has a high back and is remarkably plush and throne-like) as I gave them each advice on their upcoming group presentation.

We talked about the chapters that they needed to cover and I made some suggestions about teaching strategies. They impressed me with their preparedness and their enthusiasm. Such cute, clean, young girls (I have very few boys in my class, and none at this particular meeting). All aspiring teachers of K-12 students.

What I wanted to tell them, but I didn’t/couldn’t is that I want to give them all A’s. I want to write them all positive evaluations, to tell them that they are wonderful and eager and they will go far in their lives.

After reflecting on my morning, I realized that the job I would really like is one where I would be paid to tell people good things about themselves. To be a cheerleader. To applaud, support, and love them. I’ve been told that I’m too nice as a TA—I tend to grade students too generously and I care more about _them_ than about their assignments. But honestly, people (even 19 year-olds) are so amazing. Their stories are so compelling. Their efforts are so worthwhile. And undergrads are so very young. Maybe it’s just the mother in me that wants to smile at them and tell them how beautiful they are, instead of giving them arbitrary grades according to a heartless rubric.

There are two topics that I almost never mention on my blog. One is my life at school. The other is my life at church.

Perhaps I don’t talk about these things much because they already take up so much of my life that I don’t need a venue to discuss them. Perhaps I don’t talk about them because I figure no one cares. Perhaps I don’t talk about them just because I don’t want to….

I’m not even sure myself.

But I’ll break my silence and briefly mention that UCI started again this week. And I’m actually looking forward to this quarter–the Fall was a tough 3 months and I got pretty burned out on the whole getting-a-PhD-project. I forgot that I’m supposed to be having fun 🙂

But I’m back in the saddle now and looking forward to classes, teaching, and above all, research (writing this sitting in my little 5th floor office overlooking Aldrich Park with a stack of primary documents on my desk. There’s nothing like getting up early in the morning and cracking the spine on a hundred year-old book to get the endorphins flowing….).

Kids went to the San Diego Zoo today with grandma, Aunt Becky, Uncle Michael, and Suz’ Chris.

John and I stayed home to get work done.

I spent almost all day creating a bibliography of the History of U.S. Railroads. I went to the library and checked out more books than I could carry home. I made copies out of Special Collections materials. All day I sat reading musty old history books or searching for more musty old books.

What a geekly life I lead (andyet it was oh-so-fun that I can’t believe it’s already dinner time!).